Burning questions

Biology students wonder why "cats are losers"

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  • This device, located in the Administration Office, controls the bells between periods.

    Photo by Paige Laskiewicz

  • Mrs. Cairo is well-known for saying "cats are losers" in class.

    Photo by Olivia Marcinkus

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Hey whats up lions, yes, welcome back to another creepy exclusive on the mysteries of our school. This time we dive deep inside the mind of Mrs. Eileen Cairo, with a beloved science teacher who makes a memorable impact on her students, although not all of this insight is about cellular communication. Often in classes she will say, “cats are losers.” Intrigued by this remark, our reporters went straight to her classroom, and what was uncovered was shocking on the molecular level. Mrs. Cairo revealed that her detestment of cats stems from a tragic experience at home. A random cat would wander onto her property and puke up hairballs on her porch and porch furniture. But what she told our reporters next really sealed the deal of her cat grudge. Her son, one day, was minding his own business and was walking up to his house when the viscous cat jumped him. This traumatic experience persuaded Mrs. Cairo to frequently tell her students how cats are losers, and indeed in the end they always are.

Do you ever get that strange feeling that something isn’t quite right? Maybe every once and a while you notice a bell sounds different from the from the rest, but it’s all in your head, right? Actually, you’re not alone. Many students and faculty around the school have noticed that the 5th period bell sounds different. However, this has not been noticed by all. Mrs. Jeanne Vallem herself, who is in charge of scheduling the bells, did not realize the difference. Unfortunately, there is no clear answer on this one. Some speculate that there might be a problem with the speakers in some classrooms, while others assume it must be part of the bell programming. Maybe someday we’ll get our clear answer, but not this week.

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